


Lights Will Guide You Home

by Kedreeva



Series: Haven's Lightverse [1]
Category: Haven - Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Lightverse, M/M, Nuke (Haven)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-26
Updated: 2015-12-26
Packaged: 2018-05-09 14:38:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 13,456
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5543654
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kedreeva/pseuds/Kedreeva
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Every 27 years, the arrival of the Troubles are heralded by the arrival of small, glowing orbs that follow the denizens of Haven and seem to predict the future.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Lights Will Guide You Home

            The first time Nathan ever saw a Light was the day a tall, dark-haired woman walked into HPD and breezed right past the cops at the entrance, an orb of light over her right shoulder. She moved like she was being chased and retreated directly into the Chief’s office, closing the door behind herself.

            Nathan, who had been leaning against the wall across from the vending machine talking to Stan, shoved himself fully to his feet and tried to catch a glimpse of what was going on, but the blinds were drawn and if the two inside spoke, it was too quiet to hear. He hadn’t recognized the woman, though Stan volunteered that she lived a few streets down from him and worked at the local airport. The fact that the Chief didn’t immediately remove her from his office told Nathan that she was supposed to be there.

            She stayed in the office for almost an hour before emerging, just long enough for the rest of the station to have returned to its business and forget she’d arrived. Chief Wuornos escorted her to the exit with one hand protectively on her shoulder; the shoulder without a small, white ball of light hovering just above it. While he was gone, Nathan slipped into their shared office and took a seat at his own desk.

            The moment the Chief returned, he took a seat as well and pointedly ignored Nathan’s questioning look.

            “What was that about?” Nathan prompted, using words when eyebrows were not enough.

            “Don’t you worry about that,” the Chief told him, waving the pen he’d begun to write with in a shooing motion at Nathan. “Get back to your work.”

            It was good advice, _sound_ advice, to ignore whatever strange things happened in Haven if they did not appear to be dangerous, but Nathan couldn’t get the image of the girl with the floating light out of his head. It had been years, over twenty years, since that sort of thing had happened so blatantly and the sight left a pit of worry in his stomach.

            “I’m just going to go-” he started, already getting up to grab his coat and head after her. He hesitated at his father’s withering look.

            “She doesn’t need your help,” Garland told him firmly. “Or your questions. Sit down, Nate.”

            Cowed, for the moment, Nathan sat back down, still staring through the open doorway. He wasn’t sure what he’d planned to do anyway. She’d been gone several minutes already, had probably gotten into her car and driven off without a trace of name or address by which he could track her. Even if she was still there, he wasn’t sure what he would have asked her, or whether she would have even had answers. Maybe his father was right, and they wouldn’t be answers Nathan wanted to hear.

            Two days and several thousand Light appearances later, he found he did, in fact, regret not going after the first woman. But by then nearly everyone in Haven was being followed around by a small, glowing companion Light, and Nathan had bigger things to worry about than who had started it.

            Such as why some of the Lights would suddenly brighten or dim, and why his own was currently lit like a small supernova hovering just above his right shoulder…

 

\-------------------

 

            Duke was still half a mile out to sea when the small, hovering ball of light first appeared in his cabin. His heart sank when it settled over his left shoulder, like a bright, white beacon. It had been ten years since he last saw Haven’s port fading into the distance behind him, but he had never forgotten his hometown or its problems. He knew exactly what the presence of the little glowing orb meant.

            He sailed in anyway. Buried in one of the many hidden storage compartments on the _Rouge_ was the package he was supposed to deliver to the Haven Herald shop. In ten years, he had never missed a delivery and he was not about to start now, certainly not because of what appeared to be a benevolent ball of light.

            The harbor was lit by the time he could see it, even though the sun still hung on the edge of the horizon. In the parking lot behind the docks, Duke could see a familiar truck, a blocky, blue Bronco that hadn’t changed a bit since the last time he’d seen it. Judging by the stance of the man standing on the shore scowling at him as he idled up to an empty dock space, Duke thought maybe the truck’s owner hadn’t changed that much either.

            What was different was the glowing orb hovering over Nathan’s right shoulder.

            Duke shut off the engine and wound his way down to the deck of the _Rouge_ , the Light traveling listlessly along with him. It was odd, how the Light didn’t seem to actually _follow_ him so much as remain at a fixed point. He resisted the urge to flail one hand at it, just to see if he could dislodge it. In Haven, it was often far more beneficial – _safer_ – to ignore the weird until it had an explanation.

            Before he could hop down from the deck, a woman wearing the harbor master’s uniform blocked his way with outstretched hands. “You can’t dock here!” she shouted up to him. Like Nathan, a small orb of light hovered just above her right shoulder, but hers was dim compared to the other two. Duke couldn’t help but wonder what the difference was.

            He raised both hands, eyes on Nathan as his friend approached. Even in the dim light of dusk, he didn’t miss the badge on Nathan’s belt or the shape of the gun at his hip. Nathan wasn’t here as a friend; he was here as a cop. Duke swallowed and raised both his hands higher in a gesture of surrender, because he hadn’t done anything illegal. Yet.

            “I just need half an hour, and then I’m out of your hair again,” he called, loud enough for Nathan to hear as well. His belly gave a sickening twist at the words, at admitting to Nathan that he was skipping town again as soon as possible.

            Nathan straightened at the words and his expression turned from grouchy to angry in a heartbeat. “This is not a request, Crocker.” Duke winced at the use of his surname, at the way it sounded like venom on Nathan’s tongue. He figured he probably deserved it, so he kept his mouth shut. “We’re having a situation and-”

            “The Lights?” Duke interrupted, pointing one finger across himself to his own light. “If it’s a _problem_ , then it’s kind of already my problem too.”

            At that, Nathan’s scowl deepened and for a tense few seconds, Duke thought he was going to insist on ousting Duke from the harbor. Instead, Nathan bit out: “Fine, tie up and don’t leave your boat until we tell you it’s… okay to leave.”

            “Yeah, that’s… probably not going to happen,” Duke said as he moved to the edge of the _Rouge_ and began tossing ropes out to the dock. The harbor master moved to help as soon as the first rope landed. “I’ve got to make a delivery to-”

            “Duke,” Nathan said, like a command. Heat flushed under Duke’s skin at the way his attention snapped to Nathan without hesitation. He’d thought ten years would be enough time to forget how to respond to Nathan. “Stay put.”

            He didn’t add the please, but Duke heard it anyway. He sighed and tossed the last rope down to the harbor master. “Yeah, okay,” he agreed. “I’ll just ah, I’ll just read a book, me and- and-” He looked left to the now softly glowing orb resting over his shoulder. “Me and Sparky here. Promise.”

            “Beattie?” Nathan asked, and the woman didn’t even turn to look at him as she tied off one of the ropes.

            “I’ve got him. I’m just glad you knew him,” she said, waving Nathan off. “Unfamiliar boats like this don’t normally mean anything but trouble.”

            Nathan scoffed, almost a laugh, and threw a glance up to Duke. “I’m pretty sure this one’s trouble, too,” he said.

            Duke made a face at Nathan’s back as he left, and then disappeared below decks to wait for a chance to slip away for a little while.

 

\--------------

 

            Duke hefted the strap of the backpack a little higher on his shoulder and wondered, not for the first time, what Vince and Dave could possibly have wanted that weighed _so damn much_. He wasn’t going to look, wasn’t going to ask, but there was nothing in his contract that said he couldn’t _wonder_ about it.

            “They write a local newspaper for a small town,” he muttered under his breath. “How much secrecy could they possibly need? And for _what_?”

            The orb of light at his shoulder didn’t have a response- but then, Duke hadn’t really expected it to. With how much time he spent alone, he was used to talking to himself, used to asking and answering his own questions. It was actually sort of… _nice_ , he guessed, to have something there to talk at, even if it didn’t reply.

            “And did you see Nathan?” he asked, just to keep the conversation going. “A cop! Nathan!” He made a noise of disgust. “I mean he- he talked about it sometimes, doing what his dad did. I just didn’t think anyone would actually give him a _badge_. Or a _gun_.”

            He waved a hand at his hip as he said it, quieting again as he remembered he was supposed to be sneaking. It was well past dark now, the streets empty around them on this new-moon night. If not for the glowing ball of light at his shoulder, the cloak of darkness would have been the perfect cover for his broken promise.

            Instead, he was walking as quickly as he could, head low and voice lower, the sense of being _watched_ crawling up the back of his neck just as badly as it used to when running liquor in high school. The feeling made no sense, now. He knew that Nathan was the only cop aware that Duke should be back on his boat. He knew that even if Nathan found him he would only be in for a scolding; there was no way Nathan would actually arrest him.

            Because despite what had happened between them, regardless of how long he had been gone, Duke was still pretty certain that even if he killed someone, Nathan would probably help him bury the body, cop or not. That’s who they were, how they worked. Nathan and Duke. Duke and Nathan. And maybe Nathan had gone to college and maybe Duke had run off to sail the world, but some things don’t change.

            For instance, he thought, the Haven Herald’s storefront.

            “Looks like we made it, Sparky,” he announced, pausing at the bottom of the stairs to look up at the sign. Ten years and all it had done was fade a little in the sunlight. “Showtime.”

            When he took a step forward, the little orb - which had thus far been locked into place as if it were a part of him - _lagged_. Just a little, just enough for Duke to notice, and then it was back where it belonged. Duke was just about to reach for the Light to investigate when the Herald’s door swung open and he was forced to pay attention to his customers instead.

            Vince ushered him inside, closing and locking the door behind him, and Dave clambered up from his seat behind one of the desks. They were a little older than the last time Duke had seen them, but seemed to be in good health. Their shoulder spaces were occupied by Lights as well, and Duke decided whatever was happening was indeed town-wide.

            “Duke!”

            “Dave,” Duke greeted, letting the backpack strap slide off his shoulder. When Vince reached for it, Duke pulled it just out of his reach, earning him looks from both men. “Nothing’s free in my world, boys.”

            The brothers shared a look between them, and then Vince nodded and Dave disappeared into the back room of the Herald. Vince moved around Duke and motioned him over to the second desk. Duke followed, setting the sack onto the surface of the desk so that he could pull out the package. It was neatly wrapped in brown paper, heavy for its small size.

            “I’ve been wondering,” he said as he set it slowly on the desk in front of him. “What two old newsies could possibly need that couldn’t be shipped through normal trade routes.”

            Vince gave a snooty little scoff. “I believe you’re being paid well enough not to ask those sorts of questions,” he said dryly.

            “Ah,” Duke said, holding up one finger to correct him. “I’m being paid well enough I don’t require an _answer_.”

            “Here,” Dave said from behind him. He turned and Dave pressed a different package into his hands while Vincent reached across the desk and snatched up the brown paper one. “Do you need to count it?”

            Duke smiled. “Money’s the only thing I _do_ trust you boys for,” he said blithely as he held up the payment package in salute. He snagged the edge of his backpack and slipped the money inside before throwing it back over his shoulder. “Have a nice night, and good luck with… whatever this is.” He motioned to the little glowing light still at his shoulder.

            “Ah, regarding that,” Vince said before Duke could actually leave. “Have you spoken with Nathan, yet?”

            “As a matter of fact, I have, and that is why I need to get back to my boat,” Duke told them, taking another backward step toward the exit. “It was a pleasure doing business with you, gentlemen.”

            Duke ducked out of the building, ignoring the disgruntled call from both men. If he hurried, he might be able to make it back to the _Rouge_ before Beattie called Nathan to tell him Duke was missing.

 

\-------------

 

            Inside the Haven Herald, Vince began to open the brown paper package. Dave stood across the desk watching, shifting nervously and trying to keep from taking the package to do it himself. Slowly, carefully, Vince slid the contents of the package onto the desk’s surface. A small, silver box with a black face and ornate decorations on every side. Dave clicked a penlight, waving it over the surface.

            The word _Crocker_ lit up blue as the light passed.

            “You should have left him in the wind,” Dave said quietly, turning the light off again. “It didn’t go well the last time you tangled with a Crocker.”

            Vince lifted the box and passed it over to Dave so his brother could lock it in their safe until morning. “Better he’s here where we can keep an eye on him,” Vince replied. “A Crocker loose in the world is an unpredictable factor.”

            “What makes you so certain he’s not gonna just sail off again at dawn?” Dave asked as he moved away, box clutched tightly in both hands. “He did before.”

            Vincent’s smile held no kindness in it as he motioned to the Light at his shoulder. “Because he remembers the last time the Troubles arrived in Haven,” he said. “And what that will mean for Nathan. Those two were never any good at staying out of one another’s business.”


	2. And Ignite Your Bones

            Duke didn’t have to turn around to recognize the headlights that swept over him  from behind as he walked the empty streets of Haven back to the _Rouge_. It shouldn’t have taken him very long to get back, but he’d been dragging his feet, telling himself that it wouldn’t really matter if Nathan found him off his boat. It wasn’t like he was doing anything illegal.

            Anymore…

            The Bronco pulled up beside him, engine rumbling like a tiger’s purr, and Duke threw a glance in through the open window. Nathan was leaning close to the steering wheel and giving him a look that said if he didn’t get into the car _right now_ there was going to hell to pay.

            “Looks like we’re in trouble,” Duke told the Light at his shoulder, just loud enough for Nathan to hear. Duke chose to ignore the little twitch the Light gave at the words, instead reaching for the handle of the Bronco as Nathan rolled to a stop.

            “I told you to stay on your boat,” Nathan growled moodily as soon as Duke’s door was closed.

            “And I told you that probably wasn’t going to happen,” Duke replied, settling the backpack on the floor between his feet and hoping Nathan didn’t demand to see its innards. His eyes caught on the faded skull-and-swords sticker on the dashboard and his belly flip-flopped at all the memories it evoked. Not all of them had been bad. “I needed food.”

            Nathan’s scowl softened just a little. “So, you ate?”

            Duke rolled his eyes, because no, he had not, and if Nathan was asking _like that_ it meant that Nathan was still forgetting to eat sometimes. “As a matter of fact, I didn’t, and I am starving.”

            There wasn’t much in Haven that was open beyond dark, but Nathan took a turn that was not in the direction of the precinct. Duke scraped at ten years ago in his memory and realized that they were probably heading for Zack’s, the small, all-night diner cuddled up to the side of a 24-hours gas station. It had been one of their favored haunts in high school.

            It was not as devoid of life as Duke would have expected, people sitting around three of the tables. Duke noted the softly glowing balls of light at their shoulders, and wondered if they were having trouble sleeping with such a light so close to their faces. Quiet music drifted about the room as the boys grabbed the table that had been theirs through school.

            The server appeared before they’d even properly sat down, and neither of them bothered with the menu. Chili-cheese fries, burgers and bottle-drinks all around, and then they were alone again, the monster of their past sitting on the table between them.

            “I take it you’re… heading out again,” Nathan ventured tentatively. “After this.”

            Duke hummed a noncommittal noise and gestured to the Lights over both their shoulders. “Maybe once we figure out what this is all about,” he said. He’d been ignoring the Lights for the most part, but he was secure enough to admit he was wildly curious now.

            Even though Nathan’s expression didn’t change, his eyes brightened at the news. “There’s not anything you can do to help,” he said evenly. “They’re here to stay, but they’re harmless. Won’t follow you out of Haven, we already checked.”

            With a cluck, Duke looked over at his little Light. “Then I definitely can’t go, me an’ Sparky were just getting to be friends.”

            Nathan gave him an odd look. “They’re not alive,” he pointed out.

            Duke reached up and cupped to either side of the Light, even though it clearly did not have ears. He stared at Nathan while he spoke, as if Nathan had just offended his child. “Don’t listen to him, Sparky, he doesn’t know what he’s talking about.”

            Rolling his eyes, Nathan leaned back in his chair. “Whatever,” he surrendered. “So you’re staying.”

            “Is that a problem?” Duke asked, letting his hands fall, fighting the tightness in his throat. At his shoulder, Sparky brightened considerably. Across the table, Nathan’s Light did the same. They both stared, Nathan straightening up and going on high-alert, until the Lights began to dim again. “What’s that about, anyway?”

            Nathan made an exasperated gesture with both hands. “We have no idea,” he admitted, sounding frustrated. “People have been reporting that happening, but we can’t find any correlation in time or location. Mine didn’t start doing it until you got to the harbor.”

            It was on the tip of Duke’s tongue to tell Nathan that his had done it while he was at the Teagues’ store, but he didn’t want Nathan grilling the brothers on why Duke had visited. Instead, he nodded. “This is the second time mine’s lit up,” he said. “Once at the harbor and now. Maybe they’re reacting to something.”

            “There’s nothing _happening_.” Nathan sighed and rubbed at his forehead. Duke wondered if he’d also been forgetting to sleep, but he didn’t have time to ask before the server arrived with their fries.

            “We are,” Duke said as soon as they were alone again. At Nathan’s questioning look, Duke swiped a fry and added “Happening,” before popping it into his mouth.

            “You think they’re reacting to… something you and I are doing?” Nathan asked, expression caught somewhere between happy and distressed. “They didn’t light up when you got into the car.”

            Which was true, and Duke turned that over in his head as they shared the platter of fries between them. “Yeah, I got nothing,” he concluded as their burgers arrived.

            They both smiled politely to the server, who left them to their conversation after making sure they had everything they needed. For a little while they ate in almost companionable silence, and Duke allowed himself believe that they really could pick up where they had left off, start over fresh. Maybe they could just forget the harsh words and the ten missing years of their lives.

            “Maybe they go all nova when something is about to happen,” Duke suggested halfway through his food.

            “ _Nova_?” Nathan repeated skeptically, clearly judging the term and finding it unworthy. Duke decided it was officially the term they were going to use forever.

            “You said yours did it when I got here, and you hadn’t seen me in-” He cut himself off when he saw hurt flicker across Nathan’s features. “And mine lit up when I got close to shore.”

            “That doesn’t explain why they brightened here,” Nathan pointed out.

            Duke thought back, lips pursed as he went over the conversation they’d been having, but Nathan was right. Nothing had been happening, except- “We were talking about me staying,” he said without thinking. There it was again, the dark flicker of hurt in Nathan’s pale eyes, eliciting an echo of guilt within Duke. “They lit up when I got here, and when you asked if I was going to stay.”

            “You think they’re lighting up for you?” Nathan asked.

            “Or us,” Duke corrected. “You said other people had them go nova, so what was happening for them?”

            Nathan shook his head a little, fingers resting on his next fry as he scraped at his memory. “First guy to come in said he- was doing dishes by himself, I think. Next, uh- next one was a guy who got fired, lit up just before it happened. The next girl said she’d just broken up with her boyfriend, and both of theirs lit up.”

            Duke struggled to find some kind of connection between the three incidents but came up empty handed. He might have had guesses if it weren’t for the guy doing dishes by himself, guesses about human interaction, guesses that _said things_ about him and Nathan.

            “Dishes guy doesn’t fit,” Duke concluded.

            “Yeah,” Nathan said, clearly having come to the same conclusion long before this conversation. He looked Duke over like he was trying to determine whether or not he should keep going, so Duke just kept his mouth shut until Nathan was ready. “We should go talk to him again, see if he remembers anything else.”

            Something inside of Duke warmed pleasantly at the offer, filling up an emptiness he hadn’t even realized existed. He _missed_ this. He _missed_ being a part of Nathan’s life, of running around doing things with him; missed hearing Nathan say we like there wasn’t a question. He hadn’t realized how badly ten years hurt until he could feel every second of it stretched out between them, laid bare by a single word.

            “Okay,” Duke breathed out, struggling against the feeling of having the rug pulled out from under him. He plucked at what was left of his burger, ignoring how bright Sparky had gotten again. “But maybe we can leave that for tomorrow?”

            Nathan made a noncommittal noise and turned his attention back to his food.

            Duke took a deep breath, and tried to do the same, but his mind kept looping around and around the thought that he had missed _so much_ in his time away. He had left on bad terms with Nathan, tucked tail and ran because where they’d been heading was too much for him to handle. He had never looked back because he had figured Nathan would not want him to look back, wouldn’t _want_ to see him again.

            Yet here they were, lounging in a familiar haunt, sharing a meal and talking about their problems, just like they had done when they were kids. It knotted his stomach up so tight he didn’t feel like eating anymore. He wanted more, wanted to press against the boundaries of what they were, find out where Nathan would draw the lines after all these years.

            “You know, I don’t know how much sleep I’m going to get tonight,” he ventured hesitantly, drawing Nathan’s attention. He swallowed his nerves and did his best to look nonchalant. “Do you- maybe we could go fishing? It would be nice to have company.”

            “Sparky’s not company?” Nathan asked, smirking as he looked up from under his lashes.

            Some of the tension eased for Duke, enough that he could smile again. “Not the kind of company I want,” he said, softer than he’d meant. He saw Nathan read the implication, held his breath as he waited for Nathan’s response.

            Nathan cleared his throat, straightening up a little and pulling his napkin from his leg to wipes his hands. “I have to- I should let the chief know where I’m going,” he said.

            Duke wasn’t sure if it was relief or anxiety coursing through him, wasn’t sure what it meant that Nathan’s Light had brightened as he said the words. He wondered if anyone else had Lights this active. “Sure,” he said, instead of asking. “If you need to go back, that’s fine, too. _Rouge_ isn’t going anywhere without you.”

            A haunted look passed over Nathan’s face at the words, but before Duke could say anything else, Nathan was getting up from the table. “I don’t need to go back,” he said gruffly. “C’mon.”

            Duke shuffled out of his chair and followed Nathan to the register so he _could_ pay for their meals. If the night had gone a little differently, Duke might have argued, might have swiped for the check because he could pay now. The look on Nathan’s face told him it was a bad time to express that particular point, to remind Nathan that Duke didn’t need his help like that anymore.

            So he kept his mouth shut, let Nathan treat him to dinner and promised himself that he would make it up to Nathan somehow. Show Nathan that while he didn’t need Nathan’s _money_ , he still needed _Nathan_. He thought, as he followed Nathan to the Bronco, that maybe he could start tonight.

 

\-----------------

 

            Nathan lay back in his deck chair, his feet propped comfortably on the rail of the _Rouge_ and the tips of his fingers resting against the slick glass of his open beer. Inches from his feet, his fishing pole sat anchored in one of the holders bolted to the _Rouge_ , as still and straight as it had been all evening. Nathan didn’t really mind; fish belonged in the ocean, not on his plate. He dragged his gaze upward, to the clear night sky, tracing the patterns of the constellations he knew.

            “Hard to see the real stars with these little hotshots hanging around our faces,” Duke commented, slow and lazy. Nathan looked over in time to see him wave a hand, but his hand passed right through the orb. Duke sighed. “It’s night time, Sparky, you could tone it down any time now.”

            A warm smile touched Nathan’s lips at the way Duke treated the Light as though it were a living creature, but his eyes widened when, upon request, Sparky’s light _dimmed_. Nathan sat up in his chair, looking just as startled as Duke did. “How did you-?”

            Duke held up both hands like surrendering. “I didn’t do anything!” he exclaimed. “I mean, you heard what I said, but that’s all I did!”

            They both sat very still then, eyes locked on Sparky, and then Nathan cleared his throat and looked at his own Light. “Uh… little… light. Thing. You could tone it down as well.”

            “‘Light thing’?” Duke echoed, giving Nathan a look, but they both watched to see if Nathan’s Light would do the same. When it did not, Duke’s laugh startled both of them. “Maybe yours doesn’t like you.”

            At Duke’s shoulder, his light flickered the tiniest amount, sparking soundlessly, and Duke actually got out of his chair as if he could move away from it. Nathan recognized the wildness in his eyes, knew that Duke was on the edge of freaking out.

            “It’s okay,” Nathan soothed, getting to his feet as well. “They haven’t hurt anyone before, no reason to think they’d start now.”

            Duke shot him a scathing look, because they both knew what a lie that was. Neither of them was willing to say what was on their minds; a Trouble had caused this, the same way the Troubles had caused so many problems, so much pain and suffering 25 years ago. There was a good reason they were called the Troubles and not the _Awesome-New-Powers-Of-Happiness_.

            But the Troubles had gone away, Lucy had taken them away with her when she had disappeared, and they were not supposed to come back again.

            Nathan’s hands balled up, fingertips rubbing at palms, reassuring himself that he could still feel the warmth, still feel the lifelines tracked in his skin.

            He was okay. He was _fine_.

            He only noticed he was trembling when Duke’s hands closed over his. “Nathan?” Duke said softly, eyes full of concern.

            Shaking him off, Nathan took a step back, not sure he was ready for the weight of Duke caring about him again. “It’s fine. Your Light’s back to normal.”

            Glancing over, Duke frowned at Sparky, and then looked back to Nathan’s Light. Nathan looked as well, but his Light was just as fixed and steady as it had been since appearing. However, Duke was wearing his thoughtful face, so Nathan just stood still, waiting for Duke to find the right words.

            “You- you should name it,” Duke said finally.

            “I’m not naming a lightbulb,” Nathan told him.

            “Good thing it’s not a lightbulb then,” Duke snipped back, and Nathan had to keep himself from encouraging such behavior by smiling. “Look, call it science. I asked Sparky to chill, and he did. You asked yours the exact same thing, and it didn’t. Maybe you have to name it.”

            Nathan didn’t want to admit that was a halfway decent idea, so instead he looked over at the tiny glowing ball of light and scraped around in his mind for something to call it. Just in case Duke was right, he didn’t want to give it a name as silly as _Sparky_. He did, however, remember a video game they played late in high school, and he knew the eyeroll he would get from Duke even before he reached up to cup one hand around his companion.

            “Okay,” he said. “Navi. Its- _her_ name is Navi.”

            There was the eyeroll, right on cue, followed by: “Wow, you are still such a nerd.”

            Nathan gave him a withering look, but then took a breath and openly addressed the Light. “Navi, could you please turn down a little?”

            With bated breath they waited, watching Nathan’s Light as the seconds stretched onward. When Nathan spoke, Duke jumped. “Guess not,” he said.

            Duke sighed and set his empty bottle next to the handful of others they’d collected in the last couple of hours. “Yeah, guess not. You want another?” he asked, indicating the bottles.

            Nathan gestured no with one hand and a shake of his head and watched Duke disappear below deck. As soon as he was alone, he reclaimed his seat, looked back at his Light – at _Navi_ , he told himself – and sighed. He wasn’t exactly jealous that Duke’s Light was doing things differently; after all, Duke never did anything he was supposed to do, either. But it did make him wonder if other people had Lights that obeyed them, and if Nathan’s was just broken somehow.

            “It’s almost 1am,” came Duke’s voice from behind him a few minutes later. “I should probably pull anchor and get you home.” The words sounded like they left a bad taste in Duke’s mouth; they certainly left one in Nathan’s.

            “Do you need a place to stay?” he asked before he could think about what exactly he was asking. He didn’t regret the question and, judging by the look on Duke’s face, he was not alone in wanting to keep the door open to whatever this was they had kindled between them all night.

            “No,” Duke said quietly. “I’ve got- I sleep on the _Rouge_ most of the time.”

            It was the perfect out, an easy way to leave the ball in Nathan’s court. If he wanted to go back to shore, wanted to leave Duke to his own devices, all he had to do was nod.

            However, Nathan didn’t _want_ to leave. He didn’t want to go home to his empty apartment to sleep on his empty couch. He didn’t want to leave knowing that Duke would be doing the same, knowing that Nathan had been the one to walk away first. He very carefully did not look at Duke when he answered.

            “I don’t see a reason to go back tonight, then,” he said.

            When there was no answer, Nathan looked over his shoulder to where Duke was standing very still, eyes on him. He heard the waver in Duke’s tone when he spoke. “Are you sure about that, Nate?”

            The nickname felt familiar, one only two people in the world used. “I’m sure,” Nathan confirmed, not trusting his voice above a gruff mumble. There were a lot of things in life he wasn’t sure about; where he wanted to spend tonight was not one of them. “Unless you…?”

            “No,” Duke rushed, breathless. “No, I- I just need to check the boat if we’re-” He stopped short and then cleared his throat. “If we’re staying.”

            Nathan didn’t respond to that, just leaned forward in his chair and began to clean up the small mess they had made over the past few hours. He could feel Duke’s eyes on him for another few heartbeats and then Duke was moving away to do his checks. It shouldn’t have taken a long time as Nathan wasn’t even sure there was anything that _needed_ checking; they’d been anchored for hours now, it was unlikely they were going anywhere overnight.

            However, Nathan was finished tidying the area long before Duke returned with a strange look on his face. Nathan took Duke’s nod toward the cabin as the invitation it probably was, and preceded him below deck. When they had first arrived, Duke had shown him around, so he knew what awaited them.

            He knew exactly what he was walking into as he padded across the couple of steps to Duke’s bedroom, felt it as a low buzz under his skin.

            The click of the closing door was feather soft behind him.

            Nathan turned, found Duke staring at him with a familiar brightness in his eyes, and Nathan felt his heartbeat speed just a little. It had been a long time since Duke had looked at him like that, but Nathan hadn’t forgotten how it felt, or what came after.

            Then Duke’s hands were on his jaw, his lips finding Nathan’s a second later, all heat and need and an urgency that Nathan was sure hadn’t been there a moment ago. Anything he might have wanted to say melted away into a soft noise of surprise at the achingly familiar sensation of having Duke so _close_ , so _present_. His fingers found Duke’s sides nearly of their own accord, curling into the loose fabric to keep him there.

            Duke pulled back just a little, breath short and hot against Nathan’s lips, so close that Nathan could feel the apology ready to leap from the tip of Duke’s tongue. He closed the distance just so he didn’t have to hear it. Couldn’t hear it tonight, wasn’t ready to deal with everything _I’m sorry_ would mean.

            Instead, Nathan moved forward, palms against Duke’s hips to move him as well, until Duke’s back met the wall. The gentle impact drew a groan from Duke that snaked through Nathan like wildfire. He pressed closer, fingers inching up under the edge of Duke’s shirt, seeking bare skin. Duke’s fingers brushed the nape of his neck, palms warm against the pulse in Nathan’s throat. Duke broke the kiss again and this time Nathan let him, listened to the ragged sound of his breathing as Nathan’s hands skimmed his ribs under his shirts.

            “Off,” Nathan ordered, voice gone husky as he pushed upward on the fabric.

            Duke’s mile-wide streak of disobedience didn’t seem to apply anymore; he immediately raised his arms, chin lifting to allow Nathan to slide smooth palms up and over, taking his shirts along for the ride. Nathan swallowed thickly as he let the garments fall to the floor; it had been a long damn time since he’d had Duke undressing at his fingertips.

            “Nathan,” Duke said, somehow turning his name into a soft argument, an opportunity to stop if he wanted.

            He had every reason to want to stop. Every word left broken between them. Every phone call they’d never made in their decade apart. Every goodbye they hadn’t gotten to say when Duke just _disappeared_. Nathan shouldn’t even be here, should never have set foot on the deck of the _Rouge_.

            He let out a shuddering breath and splayed palms over Duke’s ribs, dragging down, down, down to the button of Duke’s jeans. He could feel the tremble in Duke’s frame, knew it wasn’t the cold, wasn’t apprehension; it was anticipation. The realization spun around his head in a rush, coiled desire low in his belly.

            Then Duke was moving in his grasp, pulling his legs from his pants and reaching for him again. Nathan met him halfway, this kiss less of a question and far, far more of a demand. He shrugged out of his jacket as Duke’s fingers tugged at the bottom of his shirt, stopping the kiss only long enough to rid himself of the material.

            Nathan sucked in a breath when Duke’s hands found his skin again, when Duke slid palms up his chest, brushed them over his clavicle and then his shoulders, long fingers following the lines of Nathan’s neck. His eyes closed briefly to focus on the feel of Duke’s fingers in his hair and then he crowded back into Duke’s space until they were flush against the door. He could feel the chill of it lingering just beyond Duke’s heat and he pulled back again.

            Fortunately, Duke saw the hesitation for exactly what it was. “Bed?” he offered breathlessly, running a hand through his own hair to clear it from his face. Nathan tamped down the urge to repeat the gesture with his own hands, leave Duke’s hair as disheveled as it ought to be, as it used to be.

            “Yeah,” he agreed, unable to actually take a step away, to put any space between them. There had been far too much space between them for so long now.

            Duke gently removed the decision from his control, stepping forward so that Nathan had to step back or fall over. Some hazy part of his mind noted that when they moved from the door, their Lights remained behind, and he promised himself he would analyze that later.

            For now, he let himself be walked backward, closer and closer to the inevitable- but Duke stopped just shy of their destination, hands on Nathan’s hips, thumbs brushing the bare skin at the top of his jeans.

            “You’re gonna have to take these off,” Duke murmured, voice soft and ragged.

            Nathan’s breath caught in his chest at the words, but Duke remained still, his forehead against Nathan’s, thumbs tracing gentle patterns at his waistband. Even without asking, Nathan knew why, knew that he was waiting- for permission, for confirmation that Nathan was present, willing.

            “Yeah,” Nathan agreed, feeling the weight of the word even as he brushed Duke’s hands aside to pop the button. Ten years of reasons to walk away paled in comparison to the heat of Duke’s lips against the crook of his neck as Nathan divested himself of his last articles of clothing.

            Duke hummed his appreciation, the sound deepening to downright guttural as Nathan grabbed both his wrists to keep him from touching. When Duke looked up, Nathan caught and held his gaze with a smile that was more a brightening of his eyes than anything else.

            “You’re going to ask nicely,” he said before Duke could question the hesitation.

            The way Duke’s eyes darkened at the soft command was more than rewarding enough. He let Duke’s fingers slide through his own as Duke pulled free, eyes still locked with Nathan’s. “Please,” Duke added under his breath, the word equal parts desperation and desire.

            Gooseflesh chased at the heels of the _need_ that flushed under Nathan’s skin at hearing the word. It was – had always been – the _pleases_ that undid him and this was no exception. Duke knew that better than anyone, and he didn’t waste time on further permission after Nathan released him, just reached between them to wrap his fingers around Nathan’s dick, stroke up the length of him.

            Nathan melted into the touch, hands coming to rest against Duke’s chest for just a moment before slipping down to snag on the band of Duke’s briefs. Sneaky, that he’d left them on, but Nathan found he didn’t mind.  Even through the haze of arousal he could appreciate the sight of Duke’s erection straining against the already-snug fabric.

            Then Duke was sliding down his torso, and any plans Nathan may have had for how to separate Duke from clothing evaporated the moment Duke’s tongue touched soft skin, when Duke wrapped lips around the head of his cock and _hummed_.

            Nathan’s gasp felt pulled from him and without thinking his hands threaded into Duke’s hair, grasping but gentle. Duke instantly leaned into the touch as he took Nathan in, a wordless request for more. It took every ounce of willpower Nathan had to keep his grip from tightening too much, to keep from impeding Duke’s free movement.

            “Duke,” he rasped, throat closing on a moan as Duke swirled his tongue over the head, pushed gently at Nathan’s hip as he pulled back. Nathan took the hint, sinking down onto the edge of the bed.

            He hadn’t realized his legs were shaking until they stopped, until Duke’s hands soothed over his thighs, lips brushing so-soft in their wake. “I remember this,” Duke rumbled a moment later, breath feathering hot and damp over the skin of Nathan’s cock. “Remember your taste… remember how you-“

            And with a wicked smile, Duke took Nathan in, lips sliding smoothly down and tongue dragging toward the back of his throat along the bottom of Nathan’s shaft. Nathan shouted at the sudden overload of sensation, unable to stop the upward rock of his hips. Duke followed the motion, expecting it.

            “Fuck,” Nathan panted, gentling his grasp on Duke’s hair as Duke began to move, slower now, more controlled and far more amused.

            Nathan’s head tipped back, eyes closing as he let himself get just a little lost in the feel of Duke’s mouth hot and wet around him, the steady, firm pressure of Duke’s hand keeping him grounded. This wasn’t about _getting_ anywhere, he could tell by the lazy swirl of Duke’s tongue, the way he kept the soft hum of pleasure buzzing under Nathan’s skin but didn’t push for more. This was just Duke enjoying himself, drawing out the pleasure and anticipation as long as he could.

            He’d always had more patience than Nathan.

            “Up,” Nathan bit out on a ragged breath, fingers curling along the curve of Duke’s jaw for emphasis.

            Duke let out of a soft, sweet noise of loss, but followed the direction, letting Nathan lead him up into a heated kiss. He didn’t resist when Nathan pulled away, or question when Nathan scooted back on the bed, just followed the motion, responded to every gentle touch Nathan gave to position him. When Nathan finally settled between Duke’s knees, he took a moment just to appreciate the sight of Duke laid out on his back, flushed and hard, dark eyes watching Nathan right back.

            He gently scraped one fingernail over the only scrap of fabric still between them, watched Duke shudder and hold his breath. Then Nathan hooked fingers into the waistline of the briefs, pleased when Duke lifted his hips to accommodate their removal. As soon as they were off, Nathan tossed them approximately in the vicinity of _didn’t matter_ and returned his hands to Duke’s skin.

            At the contact, Duke hissed, low and soft, lifting into it, but Nathan kept his touch slow and careful, palm pressing against the cut of Duke’s hip in a silent order to stay still. Feeling Duke obey, go still under his touch, was a nearly electric sensation that left Nathan more than a little breathless. He glanced up, eyebrows raising  as his gaze flicked to Duke’s hands, and Duke curled fingers into the sheets above his head to show they weren’t going anywhere.

            Once he was certain Duke would stay put, that he wouldn’t reach for Nathan without permission, Nathan let his hands wander. He mapped the lines of Duke’s body with his fingers, chasing the sensation with lips and tongue and teeth where he remembered Duke liked it. He wasn’t sure what the morning would bring for them, and he intended to make the most of tonight.

            If nothing else, should the _Rouge_ disappear from port again, he wanted to remember every curve and dip and plane that made up _Duke_. Everything he hadn’t thought to catalogue before because he’d thought that they had _time_.

            “Nathan, _please_ ,” Duke pleaded, voice strained.

            “Please what?” Nathan asked, letting his gaze flick up to Duke’s face. His heartbeat fumbled in his chest; he’d forgotten how _good_ Duke looked like this, flushed and undone by Nathan’s touch.

            “Please stop teasing,” Duke managed, tone dropped straight to begging. “Please, just-”

            “Just?” Nathan prompted, skimming hands up Duke’s trembling thighs, thumbs tracking the line of his hips, keeping just inches away from where he knew Duke wanted him. Duke _whined_ , hips shifting minutely in an attempt to get _closer_.

            Nathan gave a breathy chuckle but didn’t acquiesce. Too much had gone unsaid in their past; he wanted to hear Duke put what he wanted to words. Even if it was just this once, even if it was just tonight, he wanted that much.

            Duke gave an exasperated growl but Nathan could see him taking in careful, even breaths, collecting himself. Nathan shifted one hand so he could trail the calloused pad of one finger up the underside of Duke’s cock and whatever composure Duke had been attempting to regain fell apart at the seams with a bitten-back cry. To his credit, he remained where Nathan had put him,

            “Geezus, Nathan,” Duke panted, sounding every bit as strung out as he looked. “Just- You don’t have to- I’m not _going anywhere_.” His body tightened under Nathan’s hands, both of them thinking the same thing. “That’s not-”

            “I know,” Nathan mumbled, moving his hands for the distraction it provided, taking comfort in the way Duke pressed up into the touch. Before Duke could argue the issue any further, Nathan wrapped a hand around his length and stroked base to tip. They could talk about it in the morning.

            Duke seemed to get the message, eyes shuttering closed and breath hitching as Nathan found a steady, firm rhythm. Nathan pressed a touch into Duke’s hip just-so, letting him know without a word that he was allowed to move again. Keeping his hand splayed, Nathan felt the flex of muscle under Duke’s skin as he lifted his hips into every stroke, panting.

            A wrung-out noise passed Duke’s lips, followed by: “Can I- ah! I can’t- Nathan, _please_ , you gotta- I’m close-” His hips twitched up into Nathan’s movement.

            Nathan leaned in, bracing himself over Duke with his free hand. “Good,” Nathan told him, not quite sharp, not quite soft. Demanding. “Gonna come for me?”

            Duke made a low noise that bottomed out into a hiss of breath. With a small turn of his wrist, Nathan circled the tip of Duke’s cock at the same time as he set teeth to the soft skin under his clavicle. Duke’s entire body jerked at the double sensation and then he was coming, spilling over Nathan’s hand, his own hands untwisting from the sheets to find Nathan’s shoulders, to hold on as he rode out the sudden, intense wave of pleasure.

            Nathan let him, held on just a moment longer, mouthing absently at any part of Duke he could reach until he could no longer feel Duke’s heartbeat thrumming wildly under his lips. When Duke’s breathing began to even out, Nathan levered himself up just a little, enough to be able to kiss Duke.

            He was surprised when Duke kept the kiss slow and lazy, drawn out in the easy sort of way that promised they really did have time. When Nathan pulled back just a fraction of an inch, nose still touching Duke’s, breath still mingling, Duke closed the distance again, chasing after him.

            There was warmth in the gesture, the sort that made Nathan feel safe to trust that Duke wanted to stay near him and if it occurred to him that he’d felt that way once before, he didn’t let the feeling plant roots.

            His attention focused sharply when Duke’s hands slid down his arms, grip sure even if it was a little shaky still. Duke let his head fall back to the pillow so that he could meet Nathan’s gaze.

            “Do I get to return the favor?” he asked, voice rough but fingers soft as they drifted over Nathan’s side.

            Nathan just barely kept from stopping his movement, choosing instead to savor the way his muscles contracted at the feel of Duke’s fingertips, a faint ticklish sensation trailing in their wake. His brain caught up with Duke’s words and his next breath went ragged. He wanted that. Wanted more.

            Duke’s touch fell still at Nathan’s hip, waiting, requiring Nathan to use his words.

            For just a split second, Nathan considered making him wait until tomorrow, to make good on his promise that he wasn’t going anywhere. That he really was going to stay, that he would still be there in the morning, that he wanted to be there.

            But Duke’s thumbs were rubbing tiny circles over the jut of Nathan’s hips and he had already waited an entire decade to be exactly where he was at the moment. He was done waiting.

            “ _Please_ ,” fell out of his mouth and it wasn’t what he meant to say but the way Duke’s eyes darkened, his breath hitching and his fingers tightening against Nathan’s hips, Nathan decided he meant it.

            When Duke shifted upward, Nathan was already moving back, his body reading Duke’s without hesitation until they were sitting up. Duke surged up just enough to kiss him again, this time with more demand, one hand steadying on Nathan’s jaw, the other following the line of his hip, down and around his thigh.

            Nathan followed the silent request, broke the kiss long enough to shift positions so he could straddle Duke’s hips, settle into his lap. A rough noise escaped him when Duke wrapped a warm, solid hand around him and began to stroke in earnest, his kisses moving from lips to jaw to the long column of Nathan’s neck.

            It was messy, almost desperate the way Duke stroked him, and some part of Nathan was deeply pleased to have pushed past the limit of Duke’s patience. The rest of him was lost in the quick drag of Duke’s palm, the slick warmth of his tongue, the feather-light tickle of his breath hot in the crook of Nathan’s neck.

            His fingers curled into the soft hair at the back of Duke’s head, tightening when Duke applied pressure _just-so_. Duke groaned, pressing back against Nathan’s hand, encouraging him without words. Nathan could feel Duke’s other hand on the edge of his hip, knew that Duke was taking in every twitch of Nathan’s hips, feeling the tense and release of Nathan’s muscles.

            “I got you, Nate,” Duke murmured into his ear, sending an electric shudder down Nathan’s spine. “Just let go, I’ve got you.”

            Nathan shivered, curling in on Duke, hands braced on the sides of Duke’s neck to kiss him as his orgasm snaked through him, coiling deep in his gut. He squeezed his eyes tightly shut, breaking the kiss to simply pant into Duke’s shoulder. He was vaguely aware that Duke murmured soft words still, but they rattled around loose and meaningless while he came down from the high.

            “You know, you’re really beautiful like that,” were the first words Nathan processed when his mind began to function again.

            “Shut up,” Nathan told him, but he couldn’t keep the smile out of the words, and Duke just chuckled at his attempt to sound gruff.

            “A complete, utter mess, but… beautiful,” Duke said, voice going soft with affection on the last word before he pressed a kiss to Nathan’s temple. Nathan could feel the blush under his skin, warm and not entirely unpleasant.

            “You got a shower in this rust bucket?” he asked, instead of acknowledging the sentiments. He wasn’t ready to go there, not just yet. Maybe in the morning. Definitely _later_.

            “Rust bucket!” Duke squawked, rearing back. “How are you gonna say that about the greatest lady love of my life!”

            Nathan rolled his eyes as he clambered off of Duke, whose touch lingered until the very last second possible before having to actually get up to follow Nathan. If Duke was a little more clingy than Nathan expected, if he wouldn’t stop touching as though he were the one that needed the reassurance of Nathan’s presence, well, Nathan wasn’t about to complain.

            When they reached the bathing area, Duke leaned to turn on the water and nearly toppled over when Sparky suddenly flickered into existence at his shoulder. Duke yelped and backpedaled just as Nathan’s Light appeared as well, startling both of them again. Nathan caught Duke’s eye as they hesitated, waiting to see what the Lights were going to do. Sparky gave a little flicker, like he had done on the deck, but they remained otherwise inactive.

            Duke gave him a dubious, somewhat harried look. “Do you think they-” He gestured with flailed hands in what Nathan could only assume was an indication of everything that had just happened between them, “-know?”

            Nathan, however, had been living with his Light for days now, and his body was cooling and his skin was sticky and he honestly just wanted to get clean and collapse. “You’re the one who wanted to name them and treat them like pets,” he said with a shrug, leaning into Duke’s space to reach past him and turn on the faucet.

            Duke started to give the Lights one more concerned look, but Nathan reached out with one finger, ran the side of it over the edge of Duke’s jaw to get him to focus on Nathan instead. He smiled, and Duke echoed the expression without hesitation, following the draw of Nathan’s motion into a kiss. Nathan felt it when Duke’s tension dissolved and he relaxed into the contact.

            The water, when they finally got to using it, was frigid at first, but after a few minutes it warmed to chilly and eventually all the way to lukewarm. Nathan found he didn’t care, more absorbed in the slide of Duke’s soapy hands over his skin, the feel of Duke’s back under his own hands, the stolen kisses that were freely traded.

            By the time they finally crawled into Duke’s bed, Nathan felt achy and wrung out in the best of ways, exhaustion dragging at his eyelids. Duke flipped the lights off and then joined him under the covers, tucking his nose against Nathan’s shoulder and sliding one arm over his waist.

            Nathan threaded his fingers through Duke’s, closed his eyes to the now-soft glow of their Lights, and let himself relax enough to sleep, content in the knowledge that Duke would still be there in the morning.

 


	3. And I Will Try To Fix You

 

            The gentle rock and bob of the _Rouge_ was the first sensation Nathan felt upon waking. For just a second he couldn’t remember where he was, and then he took in the decor and the sheets that didn’t belong to him, the scent of _Duke_ all around him, and he relaxed. Although Duke wasn’t actually still in bed, Nathan could smell something cooking, and heard voices somewhere up on deck.

            He sat bolt upright.

            Voices, _plural_ , were not supposed to be on the _Rouge_.

            Especially not voices raised to _that_ pitch, the one that said that Duke was angry.

            Nathan rolled out of the bed, snatching up his clothes from where they had been discarded the night before. He was still tugging on his shirt as he hopped up the couple of stairs to reach the deck, Navi lighting the way ahead of him.

            The brightness of the late-morning sun reflected off the water, nearly blinding Nathan as he tried to take stock of the situation efficiently. A little, blue skiff had pulled up alongside of the _Rouge_ , so close their hulls were knocking together as the waves moved them.

            The sailor aboard her was standing as close as he could get to the edge, yelling up at Duke, who was leaning over the railing and looking wholly unamused. Duke looked like he’d come above deck quickly, shirtless and barefoot and looking harried. Sparky had dipped low on his shoulder, almost as if he was looking overboard as well.

            “I told you, not taking it, Jimmy!” Duke shouted, glancing when Nathan moved to get his attention. Nathan didn’t miss the flash of uncertainty in Duke’s eyes upon seeing him, or the swift way Duke recalculated the situation. “Jimmy! Jimmy look at me, you see that man right there?”

            The sailor, Jimmy, looked over at Nathan, took in his obviously disheveled state, and seemed to come to exactly the right conclusion. “Yeah, I see ‘im, Duke. Looks like you seen a lot more of him.”

            Duke scowled and Nathan had to keep a straight face because, well, Jimmy wasn’t _wrong_. “That is an _officer of the law_ , Jimmy. If I were you, I’d high tail it before he arrests you.”

            Jimmy gave Duke a look that said he clearly wasn’t buying it. “He’s on your rig and he ain’t arrested you, he ain’t arresting me. Look, it’s just for a couple hours, Crocker! I know you done worse for less, here!”

            With that, Jimmy reached down and grabbed the parcel at his feet, tossing it up and over the railing of the _Rouge_. Duke protested with a loud, wordless yelp, immediately turning to follow the arc of the package and retrieve it from his deck. Nathan waited, hands in his pockets, for Duke to tell him if he needed help.

            “Jimmy, for the _last fucking time_ \- where are you- Jimmy!” Duke shouted, but Jimmy’s skiff was already scooting away, her captain waving cheerfully behind him in goodbye. “ _I am throwing this overboard in two hours_!” Duke shouted after him, though the words were inevitably lost in the wind and the roar of the motor.

            Nathan watched as Duke snarled, grip just a little too tight on the beat up package. “What was that all about?” Nathan asked, lifting his chin to indicate the rapidly disappearing skiff. The blue color caused it to almost disappear into the ocean it rode.

            “Nothing!” Duke snapped, and then stopped, eyes closing in a way that said he was clearly counting to ten. When he opened his eyes, he appeared much calmer. “Just some asshole wanting me to hold onto something.”

            “Something legal?” Nathan prompted, though he knew the answer, given all the talk of arresting. He tried to tell himself that things with Duke didn’t look different by the light of day.

            “Is it too soon to plead the fifth?” Duke asked, turning the package over his hand hands as he looked around the deck. “I don’t know what it is, Nathan, but the Coast Guard’s probably going to show up looking for it.”

            “So give it to them,” Nathan suggested with a roll of his shoulder. His belly tightened into a knot because he knew what Duke’s response was going to be. He knew how this ended for them. He wanted to believe it wouldn’t. “Not your circus.”

            Duke sighed and brushed past Nathan, dodging the grasp of his hand on the way. “Unfortunately, this time it actually is my monkey,” he said over his shoulder, swatting a hand at Sparky as the little orb brightened considerably. Navi was doing the same, glaringly bright at the corner of Nathan’s vision. “I don’t know _how_ Jimmy knew I was back or found me, but I owe him, so I’m just- I’m gonna put this away, and we’ll head back to town.”

            Nathan followed below deck after Duke, brow drawn in irritation. “So you’re going to hide something illegal from the Coast Guard? For _that_ guy?”

            “Yes, I am,” Duke said, pulling open a nearly seamless hidden compartment in the wall next to a bookshelf. He squished the package into it and sealed it, the edges of the door disappearing before Nathan’s eyes. Clever. When Duke straightened, he caught Nathan staring at him and stopped.

            “Why?” Nathan asked, knowing it sounded a lot like an accusation. Maybe it was.

            Duke gave him a careful, considering look before letting out a heavy breath. “What d’you think I did on a boat for the last ten years?” he asked softly. “I wasn’t on vacation, Nate. I learned how to survive on my own pretty early on, if you recall. Just did the same out there.”

            Nathan’s stomach turned over at the thought. He wasn’t sure what he’d thought Duke had been doing out in the big wide world, but he had hoped for… _better_. Better than scraping by, better than stealing what he needed, better than selling things he shouldn’t. Better than _just surviving_.

            That was the only way he’d been able to move past being left behind; if Duke had left for something _better_ , how could Nathan begrudge him that chance?

            Yet here they were, having traveled a million miles a decade to end up exactly where he’d been.

            Before Nathan could address the injured look in Duke’s eyes, a loud, undulating horn of some kind reached them. Duke flinched at the sound of the Coast Guard announcing their presence above deck. For just a second, he stared back at Nathan, waiting for him to say something, say _anything_ , but Nathan didn’t have the words to say anything important in the time they had.

            So instead, he stepped out of Duke’s path, ached at the way Duke very carefully didn’t touch him on his way past. It hadn’t even been 24 hours since he’d come back and Nathan wondered how he’d ever thought they could make anything work between them when things were clearly still so _broken_.

            He crossed the room to where he’d put aside his gun and badge upon boarding the _Rouge_ at the beginning of the night. Slowly, deliberately, he clipped the badge in place and put on the holster. He let out an unsteady breath, and then went to join Duke.

            The Coast Guard was still pulling up alongside the Rouge, idling gently in the rocking waves. Duke turned to catch Nathan’s gaze, raised his brows in a question he hadn’t asked since they were teenagers. _Are you with me?_

            Nathan _hated it_.

            He shouldn’t have been. He shouldn’t have been with Duke on this, shouldn’t have been willing to knowingly break the law in order to protect Duke, and Duke shouldn’t have put him in the position where he had to do so. It had been _different_ when they were kids; they’d both been on the same side of the law, not one of them breaking it while the other was charged with upholding it.

            While he obviously wasn’t about to hang Duke out to dry now, wasn’t going to let the Coast Guard haul him away, it rankled that Duke still didn’t appear to have the same amount of consideration for him. That part, at least, was the same as when they were children; Duke crashing wildly through life getting them both into tight spots and expecting Nathan to save him, regardless of what it cost Nathan to do so.

            And here they were again, with Duke flippantly expecting Nathan to risk everything he had built for himself over the last decade. The worst part was that he would. The worst part was that he raised his brows back at Duke, gave the barest nod of acknowledgement in return, and agreed to put himself on the line for Duke.

            The worst part, Nathan thought, was knowing that the sick feeling in his belly was the idea that he intended to make sure this was the last time.

            At their shoulders, both Sparky and Navi went nova-bright and stayed there.

            “Morning, boys,” Duke called to the other boat, turning his back to Nathan with confidence that said he knew he had an ally. “What can we do for you?”

            Nathan recognized the man that stepped up to the edge of the patrol boat, and knew that Duke was going to need assistance so he stepped forward in order to be within Paul’s line of sight. Whatever Paul had been about to say, he seemed to think better of it upon spotting Nathan. “Morning, Crocker. Nathan,” he greeted, raising his voice. “Should have been a boat passed through here not too long ago. You happen to see which way it went?”

            “Can’t say as we did,” Duke said, leaning on the railing with folded arms now. “We were just making breakfast when we heard your siren.”

            Even from a distance, Nathan saw the way Paul’s eyes narrowed. There weren’t very many reasons for people to anchor offshore in a boat like Duke’s and none of them involved someone like Nathan. He could see Paul adding two and two and getting five.

            “Were you, now,” he said, looking over to where Nathan was standing, and that was the moment. Duke glanced back as well, and Nathan could feel the weight of the choice dragging at him. He wasn’t going to be allowed to sit this one out, wasn’t going to get away with just being present.

            He cleared his throat and fought the urge to cross his arms defensively as he stepped closer so he didn’t have to yell. “Long night fishing,” he said, motioning at the rods, reels, and tackle piled neatly to one side of the deck. “Headin’ back to shore after breakfast.”

            Duke looked back to the boat, and the next moment stretched out long and tense before Paul spoke again. “And you didn’t see any boat,” he asked, carefully and clearly. “No one approached your vessel before us?”

            Nathan heard the words underneath the questions. Paul wasn’t asking if they’d seen anything; he was asking if they were going to lie about it. However it happened, he’d see Jimmy’s skiff with the _Rouge_. Duke opened his mouth to reply, but Nathan splayed the fingertips of one hand against the skin of Duke’s bare back and beat him to the punch.

            “If anyone came by before you, we were still preoccupied in the kitchen,” he said politely, keeping his hand pointedly on the small of Duke’s back. “ _Very_ preoccupied.” The small curl of satisfaction at seeing Paul shift uncomfortably at the public display of affection was gratifying, at least.

            “Maybe you can tell us what you’re lookin’ for, and we can keep an eye out,” Duke suggested, tone just _dripping_ with false sincerity.

            Paul’s eyes narrowed a little at that, and Nathan pressed his fingers into Duke’s skin to tell him to shut up and fly straight for once. “It’s Jim Kerrick’s boat,” Paul finally said. “They chased him up the coast, heading for the border. Little blue and white boat, and Kerrick’s behind her wheel.”

            “What’d he do?” Duke asked, and Nathan managed to turn his growl into a low, angry sigh.

            “Not what he did,” Paul said, looking directly at Nathan now, clearly wanting to speak law-to-law. “It’s what he’s got aboard.”

            “Stolen goods?” Nathan asked gruffly. The box was just down the steps. It was less than twenty feet from them. He could hand it over, whatever it was, could probably even convince Paul to look the other way for them if they did the right thing quickly enough.

            “Drugs,” Paul said, spitting the word like it had a bad taste. “Not sure what kind, exactly, something they just cooked up outside of DC.”

            The information left a bad taste in Nathan’s mouth as well; judging by the size of the package he’d seen, whatever it was, it would be potent, high-quality material. Something that would only require a very small dose to be effective and untested enough to be dangerous. It would be exactly the sort of thing that damaged or killed people.

            “Sounds bad,” Duke mused, before Nathan could say anything. “We’ll keep an eye out for his boat, let you know if we see anything.” He glanced over to Nathan, every line of his face asking for backup, but Nathan could barely push down on the sick feeling in his stomach, the anger heating his veins.

            “Yeah,” he managed, shifting uncomfortably.

            Paul gave them a long look-over, his eyes narrowed just a little bit, lips pursed in a way that said he clearly didn’t believe them but it probably wasn’t worth his while to press the issue. Even if he were to come aboard, despite the lack of proof and Nathan’s presence, a search would more than likely turn up nothing, and Paul had to have guessed that much.

            Finally, he nodded, his own Light brightening a little at his shoulder. He signalled to his ship’s navigator to start pulling away. “Alright then. Thanks for your time, boys. We’ll be seeing you.”

            Nathan glanced sidelong in time to see Duke give a little wave of goodbye, which Nathan grudgingly mimicked, ducking his head to keep from having to meet Paul’s eyes again, thankful that their nova-bright lights probably made it difficult to see their faces anyway. He was _sure_ that his guilt was scrawled across his features. He tried to bury it under his anger.

            Together, they watched as the Coast Guard boat disappeared in the same direction as Jimmy’s boat, and then Duke turned to say something and Nathan’s fist connected with his jaw before either of them realized what was happening. It had been a long time since Nathan had actually hit someone; he’d forgotten how badly it hurt to connect.

            Duke stumbled back, hitting the ground as he overbalanced, and was on his feet again with a few feet put between him and Nathan the next instant. “What the hell, Nathan?” he spat, one arm up to guard as Nathan advanced, the other wiping at the blood on his lip.

            “You’re _okay_ with _smuggling drugs_?” Nathan snarled, pouring all of his rage into the words. “You know those’re gonna _hurt people_.”

            Duke’s look of confusion and contempt did nothing to assuage Nathan’s temper. “No, I _don’t_ ,” Duke snapped back, wiping again at his mouth.

            Nathan rushed forward and Duke stepped back just as quickly, holding up both hands in a gesture meant to surrender, but Nathan was beyond that now, rage coursing through his veins. He threw another punch with his next step, and Duke only just barely managed to dodge.

            “Ten years away, a chance to go anywhere in the world, do _anything you want_ ,” Nathan practically shouted, following up with another two steps forward, “and you’re still stealing and lying and _using people_! Using _me_!”

            “Nathan, that’s not-!” Duke jumped back from the next punch Nathan threw, knocking his fist away with one open hand. “I’m not _using you_!”

            Duke’s back hit the wall of the cabin and Nathan struck again, his fist hitting the metal wall with a resounding clang as Duke dropped to the deck just in time. Pain blossomed across his knuckles, shot down his arm, and he gasped at the same time as Duke.

            “You should have tossed that package overboard,” Nathan snapped, lifting a foot as Duke tried to shove his feet out from under him. The Lights were still so bright it was hard to see where he was aiming. “You should have handed it over when you had the chance!” He stomped down, _hard_ , but Duke was already scrambling away from him. “But you dragged me into it! You asked me to risk _my job_ and _my integrity_ for _your problems_.”

            When Duke turned around to respond, Nathan’s fist connected again. Duke took it better, moving with the motion like he’d expected it, though Nathan still felt the impact.

            “ _Nathan_!” Duke shouted, the word slurred through the way he was pressing one hand to his face. “Just stop, just hang on a second- I didn’t- it’s not like I _expected_ any of this to happen! I didn’t-”

            “You didn’t _stop it_ either!” Nathan interrupted, but he held his ground instead of advancing again.

            “What was I supposed to do?” Duke asked, his exasperation painting his tone in Nathan’s least favorite color. He made it sound like he’d done nothing wrong, that he was _right_ have to asked what he did of Nathan, to have put Nathan in a tight spot just so he could comfortably break the law. “It’s not like anything bad even happened! You-”

            “ _This time_ ,” Nathan hissed, rage flaring up again. “What about next time, or the time after that? What happens when you get in too deep again? Just going to sail off without a word, like last time?”

            Duke’s expression attempted to do several things all at once when Nathan said that, and Nathan used the opportunity to come after him again. Duke blocked his upward swing and then scrambled to put distance between them as Nathan grabbed the nearest mobile object and threw it at him.

            “Stop throwing my things!” Duke shouted back at him, still backing up to toward the bow of the boat. Sparky was behind him now, turning Duke’s face into a silhouette Nathan couldn’t read. “And I didn’t leave because I was in trouble! I left because I needed to get out of here! I couldn’t-” His voice softened, dropped back to normal, and Nathan could have sworn he sounded _hurt_. “I just couldn’t stand being in Haven anymore. I had to leave town.”

            “You left _me_ ,” Nathan spat, everything within him recoiling from the words he hadn’t meant to say, hadn’t admitted to himself that he felt. “You didn’t leave _town_ , Duke. You left _me_.” He felt drained, felt _empty_ for having loosed those words.

            Navi and Sparky both began to dim again as soon as he’d spoken, making it easier for the boys to see one another. Nathan wished they wouldn’t. He didn’t want to look at Duke, didn’t want to be having this conversation like this. Didn’t want to be left raw and hurting, exposed in a location he couldn’t escape.

            “You left first!” Duke protested, but there was an odd note to it, one that said he’d never considered any other viewpoint.

            “I went to _college_ , Duke,” Nathan said, wholly exasperated. “You couldn’t have waited one more year? I’ve waited _ten_.”

            And there it was, slammed down between them, all the missing time, the ache of separation, every unspoken word that should have been. Everything that Nathan had wanted to yell at Duke, every bit of rage he had felt this morning packed up neatly into three little words. He had waited, and Duke had let him down and it hurt.

            “Nate…” Duke managed, but he stopped, fell short. They both knew that _I’m sorry_ was far too big and nowhere near enough to reach across the chasm between them now.

            “Don’t call me that,” Nathan hissed, voice catching on the words. He wanted to be angry, he wanted to keep fighting, but Duke wasn’t hitting back like he would have once upon a time. He was just _looking_ at Nathan like he could see everything was broken but had no idea how to fix it. Nathan knew the feeling.

            Tentatively, Duke took a couple of steps closer to Nathan, just enough to be within arms reach, wary attention taking all of Nathan in at once. Both of their Lights were dimmed now, returning to a more normal level of brilliance.

            “Okay,” Duke said, tone like soothing a wild animal. Duke had one hand out, like he was going to touch him, and Nathan didn’t shy from it. “I won’t. Whatever you want, Nathan. Can we just- can we talk with words instead of punches?”

            Nathan blew out a breath and nodded, bracing himself to let Duke reach for him…

            …Only to realize, when he looked down, that Duke had already wrapped one hand around Nathan’s upper arm. Duke’s entire body had gone rigid, likely because Nathan hadn’t reacted at all to the touch or the tug that had probably followed. Both Navi and Sparky brightened to nova levels as Nathan realized what had happened.

            “I can’t feel you.” The words clawed themselves out of his throat, raw and injured, and Nathan didn’t miss the catch of Duke’s breath. He swallowed, focusing his attention all over his body, but- “I- I can’t feel anything.”

            Not Duke’s touch, not his clothing, not the sun or the breeze or the dull, throbbing pain of his bloodied knuckles. He couldn’t feel _any_ of it. The realization sat heavy in his chest, strangling him.

            “Your Trouble-” Duke began.

            “Take me back,” Nathan said dully. “Take me back to the marina.”

            “Nathan, I-”

            “I said _take me back_ , Crocker,” Nathan demanded, pulling his arm from Duke’s grasp. He turned so that Navi passed between them, her brilliance enough to cause Duke to close his eyes and move back a little, and began to head back to Duke’s bedroom to collect anything he’d still left down there.

            “Nathan,” Duke called after him, though he remained where he stood.

            Nathan paused but didn’t turn around, couldn’t face him right now, not with all the fear clawing around in his belly to think that his Trouble might be _back_. Might be back _because of Duke_. In the whole ten years since Duke had left, Nathan had never wanted him to be gone more than he did in that moment.

            “I meant it,” Duke said when it became clear that Nathan wasn’t going to respond. “I’m not going anywhere. This doesn’t change that.”

            It was on the tip of Nathan’s tongue to argue with him, to snarl that Duke should just leave, go, run away like he was used to doing. Take care of himself without thinking of anyone else. Nathan wanted to say the worst things to him, to shake him until he understood the damage he had done, but he couldn’t find the energy.

            “Just take me home,” he ground out, sounding every bit as mentally exhausted as he felt. “We’re done here. We’re done-” He swallowed against the swoop of emotion the words brought. “We’re just done.”

            With that, he ducked through the doorway and into the belly of the _Rouge_ , leaving Duke alone on the deck. At his shoulder, Navi finally dimmed.


End file.
